The Devolution of the Written Word

We run across the most ludicrous book titles at work. For example, Why Paint Cats: The Ethics of the Feline Aesthetic (really, why paint cats?). Or, What Your Poo is Telling You and The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts about the World's Greatest Human. The latter book is actually fairly informational. For instance, did you know that the movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants?

At any rate, considering that apparently anyone can publish a book nowadays, I've decided to start my own list of preposterous future book titles. Right now I'm partial to The Ties that Bind: Bondage for the Entire Family, inspired by a slew of awful romance novels like Nauti Nights and What's a Ghoul to Do? There's an entire genre dedicated to horror and supernatural romance! Vampiresses are really in right now, as are demon slayers with man problems.

I don't know about you, but vampires just don't do it for me. Sure, Angel was sexy in a Neanderthal way--low brow ridge shading brooding eyes and sharp canines--but I prefer men who don't collude with the dark forces. I also have no desire to be a vampire myself. Blood is gross, and drinking blood is grosser. As I've said before, I'd rather eat a cooked raisin.

It is interesting how many people fantasize about having paranormal power, and how much of that fantasy is sexually charged. I think it must be an expression of an existential desire to understand the metaphysics of the world, and the world's political and spiritual super-structure. It's kind of awesome, if not totally reassuring, to think that earth's evil is embodied in some creepy looking physical beings, rather than "evil" being a psychological concept or drive generated by the human mind. You punch, stake, or roundhouse kick the bad zombie, and voila, peace on earth is reestablished.

It would be trite to now go on a rant about how life isn't that easy. Besides, I have to get dressed for another really exciting day at the bookstore!

So in the interim between this and my next blog, ponder this:

Why Paint Cats?